The what if’s and the worry

I don’t think any of us thought we would be planning a wedding during a pandemic. Nor did they want to quite frankly.  I wonder anyone watching last year unfold probably sat there relieved theirs was 2021/2022 as “things will be find by then” now look at us, crying into a blank wedding planner and no tastings booked for the quite frankly one of the highlights of any plan, tasting food!

Yet here we are, slap bang in the depths of a lockdown and nowhere to go. Yet the wedding is still sitting there in the diary.  Taunting you with it’s what ifs, it’s daydreams of how it could/should look and all the wonderful things to prepare for it.  Today I want to talk about a way to not be so fearful and not as lost with the worry.

This is a collection of messages/advice from brides and my own observations and two pence, ok 20 quids worth thrown in.

“Stay away from the, ‘shall I cancel’ posts” “Ignore the negative nancies” “keep pushing forward, it is worth it in the end”

For some of you, aren’t even discussing postponement until you have to, many are just forging ahead and getting on. For others they are living and breathing the worry and it feels like too much.

All of our brides that have messaged with advice have all said, do what you feel is right when YOU want to.

In a world where Boris, a prime minister who wouldn’t even know your name, let alone be a factor in your wedding usually, now gets to say what type of wedding you will be allowed to have or even if you’re able to get married at all. It can feel extremely stressful and a bit like you are in limbo. Especially if your wedding is coming up. So there are some things you can do to take back a bit of the control.

List the non negotiables.  Set down an evening together, just you two and set down the MOST important things about your wedding and why you are doing it now. Then list what you cannot and would not be prepared to sacrifice at all. Discuss them both together, it may be one of you has more requirements than the other, which is fine. This isn’t about who thinks the wedding is more important, this is about the details. The day, your expectations and what you want from it.

“Focus on all the love” Zara

For you it may be everything, but you are happy to put back the celebration with others to another day and are happy to just get married and have another day in the future. For others it may not postpone everything. There is no right or wrong here, and no judgement on ANY decisions that you make. Once you have written your lists, chat about talk through the reality of what that may look like for both of you, the impact this may have on your other plans and go through these. This may be a very difficult part and could lead to this part heading into another day. The sadness of not feeling like you can have your wedding and move your life forward is raw and real and you need to be able to work through these feelings together and one of these things may mean you aren’t prepared to postpone, so it becomes the reason you get married and the reason you were doing it this year or not wanting to postpone again.

This isn’t a decision this is a knowing what you want and what you are prepared to do or not do. Then find out from suppliers when they need to know by or when they will be “calling it”  if they are.  Put the date in your diary and the day or two before that, plan a lovely meal, nice bottle of wine or whatever, and this is the decision day. This helps you then put it aside and move forward for a bit.

Whatever you decide is what is right for you two and both of you alone.

“Don’t let other people put you down about the situation. It is your wedding, you do you” Kadie

 

Communication is key, if you are considering moving your wedding date, keeping all those integral to the day in the loop.  The order of who to speak to I guess depends on where your wedding is, but Venue of ceremony and reception first. Then once you have potential new dates, go from there. It is really helpful for suppliers to know, it helps them plan and helps them know what their future diary looks like. But please remember talking about moving the date, doesn’t mean that your supplier will be able to hold your new optional date indefinitely, they will do their best but at the same time a confirmation is what they need. Good suppliers will have their own systems and procedures in place, so check with them what they will do or want you to do.

I know some venues are not currently wanting to discuss moving wedding dates for some couples, which can feel frustrating, but you can still do some groundwork and just in case you get to that stage.

“Keep going stay positive” Ammie

Talk, talk, talk I imagine you may be feeling overwhelmed, deflated and sick of having to bat away conversations when you talk to people about it. Yet at the same time maybe going insane in your head with the worry of “what if I have to do my own make-up”, this worry makes you feel trivial in relation to the wider world picture. But this worry is real, it can be all consuming and not at all fun!

We have injected fun back in a little bit, with Bridey Nights. Our new facebook group for all brides currently planning their wedding. It is a safe space to share your fears, worries and concerns with brides who are also going through it. You can get advice and support on decisions.

Join Now

We are also hosting weekly Friday Briday Nights to discuss, have fun and learn different things with experts on with us to talk through certain things.  Tomorrow night we are joined by Charlotte Mallinder a make up artist who will be on hand to offer advice.

We hope you can join us and finally have a place to vent, chat and hopefully find some happiness and fun again around being a “bride to be”.

 

If you need to talk through anything, you know where I am, if you are on the waitlist, you can use the number we text you on to message, DM, or email me. Always here to listen xxx